Yeah, it's been two years and a baby later....well, I've come back to blogging. But this time, instead of doing it for a class, I'll do it for me. No one will probably read this, but that's okay!
Have had shame and guilt and trying to live up to expectations on my mind lately. Looking at my spirited child I have a lot of fear that I will not do enough or do to much in regards to parenting. It's a fine line to walk and I need God's grace to do it with wisdom.
I love that monkey, she's great. It's hard, because her temperment is so.not.like.ours. She's an extrovert, and I'm learning how to be one for her sake. I could force her to be like me, but that's not how God made her. So as the grown-up, I'm going to learn for her sake how to be a little more extroverted. I can't change my temperment, but I can change my decision to become a hermit and find fun things to do that meet both of our needs.
Back to shame and guilt and all that fun stuff...I guess I just want her to know, that unconditionally, she is my girl and I will always love her. My parents did an awesome job of this in my life, so I think I'll be able to pass this down to her. It's just in church world, it can be easy to become obsessed with having a perfect-God-fearing kid that in the meantime we end up unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) withholding love from our kids when they don't meet our expectations. Wasn't the point of the cross that we'll never be able to meet up to the standard?
To train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.......I guess I see that in a big picture sense and I see it as a principle, not a promise.
For example, we want our kids to obey us, right? Here's the kicker.......does obedience to parents fall under this verse? In my opinion, NO! When Gretchen is thirty (haha, maybe I should say 40 as I'm approaching 30 and would not like to view it as old), I sure hope to God that she is no longer checking with me on whether or not she should have a snack or not! So here's the thing....what is it that when they are old we don't want them to depart from it?
I think Jesus answered it - we want them to love God and love their neighbors as themselves. And call me crazy, but I don't think swatting her every time she touches an outlet is going teach her how to do that. But me loving God and loving my neighbors as myself? That's going to go a long, long ways. For me, those two things are it. They are all that really matter - those two things are what I don't want her to depart from when she grows old. Learning to obey mommy and daddy? That's great and wonderful and will make my life easier. Learning to love God and love others......that's the real goal. And if I have a less than obedient daughter who loves God, I'll gladly take that over an obedient daughter who doesn't. On most days...... :D
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